“What the hell is wrong with me, why do I keep doing this to myself?”

 Today, I was driving home and I asked, “what the hell is wrong with me, why do I keep doing this to myself?”

(I’ll get to the answer as you keep reading.)

I am so angry! I did it again!img_20160722_182848-1

I allowed some fool back into my life, with expectancy of a different outcome! How many times do I have to go through being hurt and made a fool of before I refuse to allow someone to dictate their position in my life?

Apparently, a gazillion, trillion, million times…

I have been doing a lot of praying and devotional reading to help focus on God’s discernment in situations where his will is permissive, but not sanctioned. I have prayed for God not to harden my heart, because my first thought is to treat them (men) how they treat me and keep it pushing.

…BUT

That does not help my cause for my life, it will only prevent real and unconditional love from entering my heart. It will only cause me to dismiss the discernment I am supposed to receive and allow undesired pain and heartbreak. 

Today, I was driving home and I asked, “what the hell is wrong with me, why do I keep doing this to myself?” 

And there came an answer right after…

You are hurting. You act like you don’t care about the people you care about, that don’t care about you, when in fact…it hurts that they the feeling isn’t reciprocated. So, then I get angry, first at them, then at me for allowing this to happen, for not being able to control my emotions. 

Emotions can make you crazy, if you don’t have control over them!

Fact is, we all have them and have the RIGHT to feel the way we do. Now the problem comes in when we let these emotions control our other emotions instead of just feeling what we feel. 

Example…me being angry at myself for letting my feeling get hurt. Well, I can’t control that I feel hurt, but I can redirect that feeling into a more constructive feeling or behavior such as, writing or taking time to heal from the pain instead of trying to move on so fast and pretend it doesn’t matter. 

NEWSFLASH!

It matters, ya’ll! You matter! You are important and so are your feelings, so don’t discount them for yourself or anyone else. You have to let yourself feel so that you can heal. You can’t break an arm and have no pain during the healing process, same concept when it comes to being hurt, or having your heart broken. 

Today, I Chucked Up The Deuces!

I came to some pretty important decisions and made some pretty big girl moves to show myself how much I value myself. Sometimes you just have to do it, no matter what you think you will be missing out on. In the long run, you would be the one missing out on what is on the other side of what you have been holding on to. 

I just wanted to share some enlightenment I experienced internally today. I hope this has help you in some way, make a decision that would place a higher value on your self-worth, than you did on yesterday. 

Until next time…Leap off the couch into your new future making decisions for a better tomorrow. 

 

Sincerely,

Ashley M Dais

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