You can love a person for the rest of your life without them being in your life.
Sometimes, that is the best love you can give to them and the best love you can show to yourself. You will come across plenty of people that you may fall for or fall in love with in your life time, but that doesn’t make it the right person or the right time. Good thing, though, you learn from each relationship. As long as you take what is necessary and leave the rest behind, you will constantly be preparing for the next encounter until you meet “the right one,” whatever that means!
There are people in this world that will take advantage of your love and string you along, because they don’t want to lose you, but don’t want to give you what you deserve. You have to decide to let go and love from afar. The distance you put in between your love for that person and that person will seem like abandonment, betrayal, unwarranted, or disloyal in your heart and your mind.
YOU WILL GET OVER IT!
The days will go by and you will wonder “what have I done???” This happens because you start feeling alone and guilty. You may call…he may answer…he may not answer…he may say things to make you feel like you did something to wrong him…and you will explain you pulled away, because he kept hurting you, lying to you, or just not giving you what you want and deserve…and he will find a way to make it about him.
MAKE SURE YOU MAKE IT ABOUT YOU
You are important and your feeling matter. Don’t let him or anyone take that away from you. You deserve to be treated with respect and have loyalty, not a wishy washy person that only wants what they want, when they want it. Relationships are about compromise on both ends, but when one person refuses to compromise to make sure the relationship is healthy and two sided, then it isn’t a relationship worth having.
I had a relationship with this man I considered a really good friend, best friend even. We had known each other for well over 14 years, but never had a committed relationship and it was never really spoken of, until it was. It had been years of intimacy and being there for one another and I was ready for more, but he wasn’t (with me anyway). Go figure, right? I stuck around thinking things would change, eventually if I continued to be there for him when he needed me. Now, don’t me wrong, I know you can’t change a man…and in my mind that wasn’t my intention. I just wanted show him what he would have in me as his woman, then wife.
WELP, MY MIND WAS WRONG
In some way I was hoping to change him, who he was in character and beliefs. I knew who he was inside and out; and I knew his beliefs about relationships and women, especially me (considering he thought I hurt him when I had know idea how much his emotions were involved, years ago). There was no epiphany about me to be had or sweeping me off my feet and I knew that, just didn’t want to believe it.
THE LAST STRAW
I could admit, I was in love with this man and had been for years. As I mentioned earlier, he was my best friend and we had been there for each other for over a decade, good, bad, and ugly. However, I was getting exhausted and decided for the 44th hundred time, that we were going to be just friend. Nothing more and nothing less.
THEN HE NAILED THE COFFIN
He was angry that I wouldn’t give him what he wanted and he felt that I had betrayed him and that I wasn’t there for him. He decided to push me away, so I obliged! It was hard and I couldn’t believe what had just happened, but I knew it had to happen. I wasn’t able to make that choice on my own, but I made the choice to stay gone and continue to love him from a distance. I will always love this man, but he cannot be a part of my life. I have ruined every relationship and potential relationship, because I felt as if I owed him something. I self-sabotaged and it wasn’t fair to myself to keep putting myself through the emotional pain and mental drainage that came with this non-relationship, relationship.
I FEEL FREE
This gave me strength again, it let me focus on my goals and vision for my life. It was tough and I wanted to call, text, email…and I did…but was made to feel guilty as I eluded to a few paragraphs ago. I have let him go, mentally and refuse to let the love cloud my emotions and judgement to stay away. I don’t regret the decision of not going backwards and the time I spent was not wasted, but helped me learn and grow within myself. The experience has taught me what I am not willing to allow into my life.
We are still not speaking, however, I needed a favor and had to reach out. The favor was granted, but not without the cost of trying to be made to feel guilty. I am glad I was able to get what I needed and I am glad to say, that the “guilt trip” did not work. I will always be grateful for him being there in my time of need and I will always love him, but I will always love him from distance. Eventually, I will even let go of him completely. I am human, and releasing long standing relationships of any kind can be difficult. I am learning to make the right changes at the right times, that is right for my life. I think we will always love one another, but with accepting the fact that we it wasn’t in God’s plan to be anything more than what we had.
CHANGE DON’T HAPPEN OVER NIGHT
You should pace yourself and give yourself permission to make mistakes. Don’t be so hard on yourself when you still have emotions that arise, you are human and you are still a woman. Take your time to grieve through dead relationships and if you find yourself trying to revive it, just remember what it took to get your focus back and your emotions in check.
Ashley M Dais
Until next time…Leap off the couch into your new future loving yourself first!